Exalt

Matt Millecchia

Links to Exalt on all major streaming platforms here.


About Exalt:

My wife and love of my life Brooke Sharpe Millecchia passed away May 4th, 2024, on her Birthday at the age of 52, after a 4 year battle with colorectal cancer. My heart and life seemed impossible to mend then, but I was driven by unknown forces to reassert myself onto the guitar. Every week or two seemed a struggle that I could barely manage and in no way intellectually come to terms with.  But, through writing and playing...hard...I was able to find some sense of resolution at each passing stage.  At no point did I enter into writing these pieces with some goal in mind other than to find the melodies, rhythms, structures, and dynamics that resonated with what I was feeling at the time. It wasn't until each piece was nearly complete when I truly understood what I was experiencing at that period of time, and I could assign a title that represented both the essence of song, and the essence of my struggle.

The term Exalt encompasses the essence of what I hoped to do for Brooke, to raise her up to the highest form of herself she could be.  And in turn, I've come to believe she did her best to do that for me as well. Exalt, as an album, is one more effort to raise her up and honor her in the best way I know how.

If you yourself have experienced great loss, I also hope this album serves you in whatever way you need now.  We shall grieve together.


Below are the songs and their descriptions in the order in which they were written:

"Sunroom": Brooke spent the last weeks of her life in the brightest room in our house: The Sunroom.  There were sad times and happy times during those weeks, and in that room she took her final breaths.  I found myself writing this first piece on the floor of the sunroom without even realizing I was writing it or where I was.

"Reminiscence for Tomorrow": Somewhat astonishing to me was that there may still be excitement left in my life, even after the loss of my life partner.  I had recently recalled fondly some adolescent experiences and feelings, and I imagined I would never feel anything like that again. But, I was wrong. 

"Divine Polarity": Though Brooke and my relationship was near idyllic, there seemed to be aspects I was drawn to improve. I came to understand the concept of Divine masculinity and femininity, as opposed to wounded or toxic masculinity and femininity, and its role in our relationship, and potentially in relationships to come. The polarity between the two energies can be utilized by both partners to create the spark that many seek.

"Singularity": Brooke told me she wanted me to "move on", and this is about my first foray into dating.  Probably too soon for most people's taste, but everybody's grief journey is unique, and quite non-linear.  I learned much in the process and feel more prepared for when the time is right.

"Resolve": The resolution of "Singularity" and being at peace with myself. Alone.

"Exalt": In addition to the overall theme of the album, I came to understand that though Divine Polarity wasn't totally understood or tenants practiced in my relationship with Brooke, I did practice in this way.  I interpret part of my job as a Divine male in a relationship is to provide structure and stability in a way that allows the Divine female to flourish.  I do believe I did this for Brooke.

"Kintsugi": Kintsugi is an ancient Japanese practice to repair broken pottery with gold lacquer.  The end result is something beautiful, and sometimes stronger than the the original piece, not something to be thrown away.  My life has been nearly destroyed by addiction and mental illness, but I have survived, repaired, and come to be something beautiful once again. 

"Weathered Knight": Not long after Brooke passed, I felt pretty "ok".  I thought the four years of Brooke's cancer and anticipatory grief had served as a kind of penance that allowed me a level of grace to not have to grieve as long or as deep.  But, what I didn't realized was that those four years were also four years of trauma from which I needed to recover. I see myself in this song as a knight that has gone to battle for four years who returns battle worn with rusting and bloody armor to a crumbling castle where nobody remains.  It is time to rebuild.  But, I have been through so much that this task, while arduous, is regretfully just another battle to slog through.

"Pharaoh": The way the universe treats our body when we die is not always pretty.  And the way we honor the dead in terms of treatment of the body, is not always as elegant as one might hope.  I felt that was especially true with Brooke and I was angry.  But, I came to realize that the only treatment that would have been sufficient for me would have been to erect a Great Pyramid for her and honor her as a queen. This song is my attempt to transfer the grotesqueness of death into the way she should have been honored: As a Pharaoh.

"The Anchor": I experienced much fallout from my inability to cope with grief, resultant psychosis, and matching behavior.  While I was able to repair situations, and came to understand the concept of "False Narratives" in the process, I was left with pangs of embarrassment, regret, anger, and hurt. Instead of writing about false narratives , I found myself writing this piece that is very far from the norm for me.  It became a tool for me to stop thinking about the residual discomfort from these situations, and I've found it is useful for me to use anytime I need to stop ruminating on negative thoughts and feelings. I also hope it to be a gift to those I've hurt and wronged, and a tool they may be able to use in the same manner.

"Tornadosed":  I've discovered many of us suffer from an excess of energy inside that is quite hard to quell.  In trying to understand this energy in myself, I came to understand there are 4 major "happy chemicals" flowing through our bodies: Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphin, or DOSE for short. Dopamine has a special role in bipolar disorder and addiction, which is why the "d" is in there twice.

"Remembrance": Nearing the end of writing this material, I realized how little I had done to recognize the passing months since Brooke's death, both to myself and publicly.  I wrote this near the 6 month anniversary of her death, and ended up having a small gathering to celebrate her life on that anniversary.

"Rings (Hoops)": Many widowers remove their rings as soon as their spouse dies, some switch their ring to the opposite hand, and some wear theirs for the rest of their life, even after remarriage.  Everyone is different, but for certain reasons, 6 months felt right for me.  Our rings now lie together in her urn.  The urn she made for herself in the last weeks of her life (she was a prolific potter)... which is about as bad assed as it gets, and speaks volumes about who she was. I was going to drive 7 hours each way to take my ring off where we were married, but I believe she would have felt I had jumped through enough hoops already to not have to drive 14 hours to perform a one-minute task.  I instead went to a nearby park where I often go to be by myself, play guitar, and cry.  I had almost completed this song, but knew well enough to bring my guitar with me.  I was inspired to write the parts near the end (starting at about 2 minutes and 30 seconds) minutes after removing my ring, and the technique is unique... at least to me.


If you are grieving or want to know even more about my music, please reach out to me at matt@mattmillecchia.com  I will do my best to reply in a timely fashion.   I think it best to not grieve alone, or live in a vacuum in general, so I look forward to hearing from you.

Matt Millecchia